Lately, I have noticed more and more that we are told to "repent constantly," among other phrases. The instance that stands out in my mind is from the talk "Approaching the Throne of God with Confidence" by Jörg Klebingat (it's a really good talk that I very highly recommend!) In this talk he says: "Because the Atonement of Jesus Christ is very practical, you should apply it generously 24/7, for it never runs out." And in The Miracle of Forgiveness by Spencer W. Kimble he says: "Since all of us sin in greater or lesser degree, we are all in need of constant repentance, of continually raising our sights and our performance." The thought of needing to constantly repent has never made me pause before; I guess in the last few years when I actually began to apply repentance to my life I was always at a point in my life where I really did require constant repentance.
Recently however, I have started to make a genuine effort to live the way I have been taught to. It's a never-ending effort (which is the way it's supposed to be), and though I'm far from perfect, I have definitely been improving! Yet the other day when I read that we should apply repentance 24/7, it made me stop and pause. I thought: "But what about the days when you're good and you don't really have anything to repent for?" How do you apply repentance on the days when your mind appropriately fixed on Christ, when you are patient with those around you, when you read your scriptures and say your prayers, when you basically do everything within your human ability of doing it all right? So of course, I turned to my mom and asked her. And of course she had an answer!
I don't know about you all, I was taught the repentance process from the time I started Primary; and then it was drilled into my head every single year after that! If you grew up in the Church, you know that the repentance process is:
1. Acknowledge the sin
2. Confess the sin
3. Abandon the sin.
4. Restitution
5. Live righteously.
While that process is a necessary part of repentance, it isn't all of it. But I had become so focused on applying the repentance process in my life that I had forgotten there was another part to repentance. And that makes all the difference I think.
The other (and in my opinion the main part) of repentance is found under "repentance" in the Bible Dictionary, which reads as follows: "The Greek word of which this is the translation denotes a change of mind, i.e., a fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world. Since we are born into conditions of mortality, repentance comes to mean a turning of the heart and will to God, and a renunciation of sin to which we are naturally inclined" (emphasis added).
Once my mom pointed out that distinction to me, it was like it all just clicked into place in my mind. The repentance process is good and necessary. However, once you begin to really apply the process to your life, namely the "live righteously" step, then the active process of repentance begins to be less common. Once you apply the actual definition of repentance (turn your heart to Christ), then you stop sinning as much and there is less of a need for the active part.
This is a key difference for me, because it completely changed the way I approached the gospel. Before, I always felt like I wasn't doing enough. We are told to repent often, and I began to felt overwhelmed and like I wasn't repenting enough. I would look for things that I was doing wrong, just so I could have something to repent for! And let me tell you, that's not exactly a healthy state of mind to be in! But once we change our thoughts of repentance from the process to the actual meaning of the word, then it takes away the guilt part. It's like a cycle. When you turn your heart to Christ, (and I mean really, truly change your heart), then you begin to actually want to live righteously.
Wanting to live righteously is something that I never thought would come for me. When I first came back to Church, it wasn't because I wanted to. It was because I knew it was true and that it was what I was supposed to do. I came back and I was surrounded by all of these people who I thought never had a problem living according to Church standards--it seemed like they actually wanted to, which was a foreign concept to me! Because I came back to church somewhat grudgingly, and since I did not want to live to those high standards in the first place, it was pretty difficult to actually live the way I was supposed to. But, I stuck to it, and eventually the more I applied the repentance process and the more I turned my heart to Christ, the more I actually wanted to live according to the gospel. A simple example: I stopped justifying seeing movies I knew I shouldn't, and I consciously made an effort to avoid ones that I'd be uncomfortable watching if my mother was present; and eventually, even though I still want to see those movies, the desire to live righteously overwhelmed the desire to see the movie.
It has turned into something of a pattern:
The more I look to Christ and the more righteously I live, the more I'm able to listen to the Spirit and the more I'm able to put off those temptations. The more I put off those temptations the less I need to use the repentance process and the more I'm aware of the impact the gospel has on my life.
And I think that is one of the keys to this life guys, I really do. When we choose and make a decision that we want to live our lives for Christ, and when we turn our hearts to him, nothing else seems to matter quite as much as it did before. You turn into one of those insufferable people who can't shut up about how much they love the gospel! (Sorry about that, it's just a by-product I guess!) Strive to have that change of heart that true repentance brings, and I promise living the gospel becomes so much easier and so much more fulfilling! Make your choice now, and then never waver and that desire will just keep growing. Don't get the process of repentance confused with the actual meaning of repentance. The distinction is small, but to me it makes all the difference in the world.
As Elder Holland so eloquently put it in his broadcast "Israel, Israel, God is Calling" (which by the way is another fantastic talk that I highly, highly recommend):
"When He comes, I so want to be caught living the gospel. I want to be surprised right in the act of spreading the faith and doing something good. I want the Savior to say to me: “Jeffrey”—because He knows all of our names—“I recognize you not by your title but by your life, the way you are trying to live and the standards you are trying to defend. I see the integrity of your heart. I know you have tried to make things better first and foremost by being better yourself, and then by declaring my word and defending my gospel to others in the most compassionate way you could.”
“I know you weren’t always successful,” He will certainly say, “with your own sins or the circumstances of others, but I believe you honestly tried. I believe in your heart you truly loved me.”
I want to have something like that encounter someday as I want nothing else in this mortal life."
That too, is the thing that I want most of all. And that, my friends, is what I believe repentance is truly all about. Turning your heart to Christ, and then try to better yourselves. It is all about progression! I love in the Bible Dictionary definition where it says "a fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world" because that is exactly what I feel like is happening to me.
I'm not perfect, nor do I proclaim to be. I humbly say that I am just trying my best in the best way I know how, and I know that that is all that is required of us. I think we need to stop thinking of repentance solely as a process that has to be undertaken each time you sin. We need to begin to think of it as what it is meant to be- a state of mind, a change of heart, and a way of living. Before, I associated repentance as painful process for a worthless human who would never be good enough and who is constantly failing. Now I can see the word as what the whole point of this gospel is in the first place- turning to God. And I think it is essential that you turn to God for everything. Turn to him when you are sad, or frustrated and impatient, or feeling worthless and inadequate. But don't forget to turn to him when you are happy and grateful. Always turn to Him, and you will be amazed at the difference it makes.
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