A Change in Perspective

Hello lovelies! I'm having some thoughts that I wanted to share with you all. It's probably something that most people have already figured out-- but I just barely did so good for me! Right?!

Lately, I have noticed more and more that we are told to "repent constantly," among other phrases.  The instance that stands out in my mind is from the talk "Approaching the Throne of God with Confidence" by Jörg Klebingat (it's a really good talk that I very highly recommend!) In this talk he says: "Because the Atonement of Jesus Christ is very practical, you should apply it generously 24/7, for it never runs out." And in The Miracle of Forgiveness by Spencer W. Kimble he says: "Since all of us sin in greater or lesser degree, we are all in need of constant repentance, of continually raising our sights and our performance." The thought of needing to constantly repent has never made me pause before; I guess in the last few years when I actually began to apply repentance to my life I was always at a point in my life where I really did require constant repentance. 

Recently however, I have started to make a genuine effort to live the way I have been taught to. It's a never-ending effort (which is the way it's supposed to be), and though I'm far from perfect, I have definitely been improving! Yet the other day when I read that we should apply repentance 24/7, it made me stop and pause. I thought: "But what about the days when you're good  and you don't really have anything to repent for?"  How do you apply repentance on the days when your mind appropriately fixed on Christ, when you are patient with those around you, when you read your scriptures and say your prayers, when you basically do everything within your human ability of doing it all right? So of course, I turned to my mom and asked her. And of course she had an answer!

I don't know about you all, I was taught the repentance process from the time I started Primary; and then it was drilled into my head every single year after that! If you grew up in the Church, you know that the repentance process is: 
1. Acknowledge the sin 
2. Confess the sin 
3. Abandon the sin. 
4. Restitution 
5. Live righteously. 
While that process is a necessary part of repentance, it isn't all of it. But I had become so focused on applying the repentance process in my life that I had forgotten there was another part to repentance. And that makes all the difference I think. 

The other (and in my opinion the main part) of repentance is found under "repentance" in the Bible Dictionary, which reads as follows: "The Greek word of which this is the translation denotes a change of mind, i.e., a fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world. Since we are born into conditions of mortality, repentance comes to mean a turning of the heart and will to God, and a renunciation of sin to which we are naturally inclined" (emphasis added).


Once my mom pointed out that distinction to me, it was like it all just clicked into place in my mind. The repentance process is good and necessary. However, once you begin to really apply the process to your life, namely the "live righteously" step, then the active process of repentance begins to be less common. Once you apply the actual definition of repentance (turn your heart to Christ), then you stop sinning as much and there is less of a need for the active part. 

This is a key difference for me, because it completely changed the way I approached the gospel. Before, I always felt like I wasn't doing enough. We are told to repent often, and I began to felt overwhelmed and like I wasn't repenting enough. I would look for things that I was doing wrong, just so I could have something to repent for! And let me tell you, that's not exactly a healthy state of mind to be in! But once we change our thoughts of repentance from the process to the actual meaning of the word, then it takes away the guilt part. It's like a cycle. When you turn your heart to Christ, (and I mean really, truly change your heart), then you begin to actually want to live righteously. 
Wanting to live righteously is something that I never thought would come for me. When I first came back to Church, it wasn't because I wanted to. It was because I knew it was true and that it was what I was supposed to do. I came back and I was surrounded by all of these people who I thought never had a problem living according to Church standards--it seemed like they actually wanted to, which was a foreign concept to me! Because I came back to church somewhat grudgingly, and since I did not want to live to those high standards in the first place, it was pretty difficult to actually live the way I was supposed to. But, I stuck to it, and eventually the more I applied the repentance process and the more I turned my heart to Christ, the more I actually wanted to live according to the gospel. A simple example: I stopped justifying seeing movies I knew I shouldn't, and I consciously made an effort to avoid ones that I'd be uncomfortable watching if my mother was present; and eventually, even though I still want to see those movies, the desire to live righteously overwhelmed the desire to see the movie. 
It has turned into something of a pattern: 
The more I look to Christ and the more righteously I live, the more I'm able to listen to the Spirit and the more I'm able to put off those temptations. The more I put off those temptations the less I need to use the repentance process and the more I'm aware of the impact the gospel has on my life. 

And I think that is one of the keys to this life guys, I really do. When we choose and make a decision that we want to live our lives for Christ, and when we turn our hearts to him, nothing else seems to matter quite as much as it did before. You turn into one of those insufferable people who can't shut up about how much they love the gospel! (Sorry about that, it's just a by-product I guess!) Strive to have that change of heart that true repentance brings, and I promise living the gospel becomes so much easier and so much more fulfilling! Make your choice now, and then never waver and that desire will just keep growing. Don't get the process of repentance confused with the actual meaning of repentance. The distinction is small, but to me it makes all the difference in the world. 

As Elder Holland so eloquently put it in his broadcast "Israel, Israel, God is Calling" (which by the way is another fantastic talk that I highly, highly recommend): 

"When He comes, I so want to be caught living the gospel. I want to be surprised right in the act of spreading the faith and doing something good. I want the Savior to say to me: “Jeffrey”—because He knows all of our names—“I recognize you not by your title but by your life, the way you are trying to live and the standards you are trying to defend. I see the integrity of your heart. I know you have tried to make things better first and foremost by being better yourself, and then by declaring my word and defending my gospel to others in the most compassionate way you could.”

“I know you weren’t always successful,” He will certainly say, “with your own sins or the circumstances of others, but I believe you honestly tried. I believe in your heart you truly loved me.”

I want to have something like that encounter someday as I want nothing else in this mortal life." 

That too, is the thing that I want most of all. And that, my friends, is what I believe repentance is truly all about. Turning your heart to Christ, and then try to better yourselves. It is all about progression! I love in the Bible Dictionary definition where it says "a fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world" because that is exactly what I feel like is happening to me. 

I'm not perfect, nor do I proclaim to be. I humbly say that I am just trying my best in the best way I know how, and I know that that is all that is required of us. I think we need to stop thinking of repentance solely as a process that has to be undertaken each time you sin. We need to begin to think of it as what it is meant to be- a state of mind, a change of heart, and a way of living. Before, I associated repentance as painful process for a worthless human who would never be good enough and who is constantly failing. Now I can see the word as what the whole point of this gospel is in the first place- turning to God. And I think it is essential that you turn to God for everything. Turn to him when you are sad, or frustrated and impatient, or feeling worthless and inadequate. But don't forget to turn to him when you are happy and grateful. Always turn to Him, and you will be amazed at the difference it makes.  

I am the Luckiest

I’ve had a couple blog posts on my mind for a couple of months now, but I seem to be having a bit of a creative block and I haven’t been satisfied with any of them! So this blog post is more for me as a journal entry for the year than my usual rantings. It’s quite long and with lots of pictures- so I won’t be offended at all if you skip it! But, for those of you who are interested, I do have some snippets of wisdom I felt like sharing at the bottom of the post J

It sounds dramatic, but five years ago I honestly thought I would never be genuinely happy again. I had just lost my dad, I didn't have any really close friends, and I felt really alone. I've struggled with depression since I was about 14, and after steadily getting worse I hit an all-time low my senior year. But happy day! Even though I still have some bad days, I can honestly say that for the first time probably since I was 14 – I am genuinely, honestly, 100% HAPPY! It's an amazing thing! This didn’t happen until pretty recently, but it’s one of the reasons I loved 2015 so much. I really am the luckiest, in every way!

I've wanted to document several things that happened this year since so much happened, but I just haven't really gotten around to it. We've been pretty busy day-to-day and my laptop is getting old enough that I avoid getting on it as much as possible!

So the year started out okay. It was nothing special; I was just kind of trudging along with life. I wasn't sad, but then again I wasn't particularly happy either. Obviously I had my really happy days, but overall I was just kind of... there. 

Then, on April 18, 2015 Porter proposed to me! It had been in the works for a while by that point; in fact I had already had almost everything planned and booked by the time he proposed. I guess that's what happens when you've been dating for 3-ish years, right? So that made me pretty happy obviously. We were finally moving forward after being kind of stagnant for a long time. Porter’s family manages some property up Sardine Canyon, and it’s one of my all-time favorite places to go. You can see the entire valley, and it’s so quiet and peaceful. There's rarely anyone else up there, and I love being able to just get away from it all. So he took me up there near sunset and then had me look through some binoculars where I saw a sign that asked me to marry him. It was perfect! And it was so us- it wasn't really fancy or over the top; it was simple and peaceful, it was just us, and it was the perfect night!

One of the things that I love so much about Porter is that he knows me so well; he likes to ignore other peoples opinions when it comes to me and he's right a big majority of the time. I had sent him a few pictures of the style of ring that I liked, and then he chose it himself because he didn't want me to see the actual ring beforehand. And it is PERFECT! He even had the band custom made for me! I'm seriously in love with it, and even after the last 6 months I still catch myself staring at it all the time. Funny side story: so Porter wasn't aware that you don't wear the wedding band until after you're officially married. He was FURIOUS! The band is the best part and basically makes the ring, and he was so mad that I wouldn't wear it until we had been married. It was pretty amusing :) 

After that the whole year just kind of sped by. A month later I graduated from Utah State University! Happy freaking day! I was able to get my Bachelors in History with a Political Science minor in just four years, so I was pretty proud of myself! I've always loved history, and as much as I really hated the classwork part of it I really enjoyed my college experience (now that it's done that is; I'll be honest I really hated college while I was actually enrolled), but now I kind of miss it! My thesis was about the U.S. and British internment of German and Japanese citizens during WWII, and the driving forces behind it. (Believe me I have some strong feelings about the whole Muslim refugee stuff that's going on right now). I actually got one of the best scores in the class and was nominated for an award for the paper! That was probably my favorite part of my entire college experience. I was able to really dig in and research at a deeper level than most other classes require, and I've always been a WWII junkie so being able to learn about it and take learning into my own hands really great. I also found during college that I really enjoy writing under the right conditions. Which has also contributed to my current happiness, because I finally have something I enjoy doing just for myself! I chose not to walk for graduation for various reasons, but mostly because I just really didn't want to! The whole thing sounded pretty miserable to me, and I have no regrets about not participating :)

Immediately after I graduated I quit my job at Olive Garden. I had worked there for about 4 years by that point, and it was one of the most bittersweet experiences I’ve ever had. I absolutely loved the people that I worked with, they really did feel like my second family; and I felt that I was very good at my job which is always a good thing. But then most of my good friends that had been there with me for those four years started moving and getting other jobs. I also didn’t want to work weekends (particularly Sundays) and holidays anymore, and honestly I didn’t want to deal with Valentine’s Day and prom nights ever again. The best way to inevitably hate the general public is to work in public service, and I just wanted a job where I didn't hate everyone who walked in the door. It was just time for me to move on and start moving forward with my life, and I didn't feel like staying at Olive Garden would let me go where I wanted to. 

At the beginning of June we found this cute little townhouse in Logan that I absolutely love! It’s got some insulation problems with the doors and windows, so right now it’s always freezing for me and in the summer the bugs were pretty terrible. But I mean I’ll take those two things if that’s all that’s wrong with it! It's pretty spacious, and it's got two bedrooms so Porter got to geek out the second one into his little man-cave. I got to put two of my bookshelves in, but the rest of it is all his. Which is okay because I get to have the rest of the house pretty much my way :) 

I went to California on Saturday, June 13th for my beautiful friend Ryli’s wedding. I was only able to stay to see her come out of the temple, but I was so happy I was able to do that much. We flew there Friday night (Porter tagged along with me because I was too scared to travel by myself). My lovely friend Karrie drove to the Ontario airport to pick us up, and all three of us stayed in a hotel together that night. Then we got ready and went to the temple and stayed for pictures after. We stopped by the beach and then Karrie drove us to the next airport where we boarded to go to Alaska with Porters family for the next week! I will be forever grateful to Karrie for being our driver that day! She made the entire trip possible and I would have been so sad to miss the wedding.

Then we went to Alaska! It was absolutely amazing. We flew in at like 3 or 4 am, and it was light outside! I was just floored by that. Then we stayed in this cute little cabin that overlooked the ocean. It was almost like a pre-wedding honeymoon except for the fact that we were surrounded by Porters family. It was so much fun though. I had only briefly met a few members of Porters extended family since they all live in central-southern Utah, so it was great to be able to get to know all of them before we actually got married. We mostly fished, but one day I was sick so we drove into a little town and went shopping with Porters aunt and grandma. Then Porter was sick another day so we just kind of hung out that day. Another day we went on a hike up to the Russian River to see the falls. And it was insane, there were salmon EVERYWHERE! You could have just reached in the river and grabbed them out, no problem. Then we had an adventure where we hiked back to the van following the river. (Someone told us it would be easy!) So we went for it, but then suddenly it was a lot longer of a hike, and no one knew where we were going, there was barely even a trail half of the time. Honestly I kind of enjoyed it, being in nature is one of my favorite things. Apparently we also missed seeing a bear just by like an hour, which was kind of a disappointment, but also a huge relief. I wanted to see a bear while we were there, but only from the safety of a car—not from the side of a river that is full of salmon.

The view flying into the Anchorage Airport at 3 AM

The halibut that we're still trying to eat 6 months later. 

Everyone got to take home roughly 50 lbs

Houston caught a little baby sand shark! 

Apparently you hold cod between the eyes. Which is really gross in my opinion

This was by the Russian River at the falls where we had our adventure of getting lost in the Alaskan wilderness 

Porter and Houston both decided to try some raw salmon right off the riverbank from a local fisherman 

This was our view from the cabin. Oh how I miss this 

The sunsets were insanely pretty and took about 3 hours 

On our way to go to the airport to go home. Porter was only kind of sick of my picture-taking by this point ;) 

 Also, you never hear about Bald Eagles over here, right? You never see them unless they’re in a zoo; but in Alaska? Porter said that he almost got sick of seeing them because they were everywhere! And I agreed! There were probably about 30+ eagles that hung out by the cliff where our cabin was. We went down onto the beach one day to see them, and Porter, Houston, and I all got pretty close to several of them. It was so surreal.

My dad had always wanted to go fishing in Alaska, but had never gotten the chance to go. So I was so grateful that I had the opportunity to go for him and have that experience. Even though he’s been gone for five years I felt really close to him while I was there which was so wonderful.

So we were in Alaska from early Sunday morning (the 14^th) until we flew out Saturday night (20^th) and flew in to Salt Lake Sunday morning. Then we had a week to get ready for our wedding which was that Saturday!

Porter and I received our endowments together Wednesday the 24th at the Logan LDS temple. It was so much more than I expected it to be! The peace and happiness I feel in the House of the Lord is so unique.

That following Saturday, June 27^th 2015 we were sealed together for time and all eternity in the LDS Logan, Utah temple.

It is such a comfort to me that no matter what happens in this life, it will never be goodbye forever. I have such a testimony of this church and especially the forever families aspect. I can’t imagine my eternity without Porter by my side – that just isn’t even an option to me. The wedding itself was beautiful. If you’ll notice in the following, my eyes never leave Porter until the end.

When I first got these pictures back I was kind of mad at myself for that to be honest. When most people come out of the temple they look out at the people who are there to support them. But now I kind of love that I only had eyes for Porter, and here’s why: I have anxiety—not bad or unmanageable, but I definitely get agitated and anxious when I’m around a lot of people and even more so when all of that attention is focused on me. I never took my eyes off of Porter when we came out, because I was about 5 seconds away from having a freaking panic attack at my own wedding! I focused on him because he is my rock, and I love that.

We had our reception at Herms Inn, and it was absolutely perfect. Even though we were completely worn out and done with it by the end, it was such an incredible night. We kept it pretty small, and tried to only invite the people who were really close to us. It was so wonderful to see all of you and we just were so overwhelmed at all the support we received. It really meant just so much to us and made the beginning of our lives together that much better.

There were three things that Porter insisted and consistently maintained that he wanted at the wedding. He wanted the big globe lights, pictures of us growing up, and then he wanted a first dance (awwwwww J). I used to want a first dance, but that kind of changed once my dad died. I just didn’t want to make the night any harder than it was already going to be without him; and I felt like it would be weird not to  have a daddy daughter dance before the first dance—and not to mention that was even more attention on me which I wasn’t particularly keen on. But then Porter insisted, and so we did it! And I am so happy that we did. Now I love dancing with him any chance I get (which isn’t very often) so I’m very glad that he convinced me so I can have that memory now. 

 It was by far the happiest day of my life. After we got sealed we were both starving and the luncheon wasn't for another two hours, so we ended up going to La Tormenta for tacos. Up until that point we had gone to La Tormenta about once a week after our institute class, so it was perfect :) My favorite part about the day was that we were combining two families I love so much. I love my own family more than anything, especially my nieces and nephews; since they've all moved it's pretty rare to have us all together anymore, so that made me incredibly happy. And I've grown to love Porters family so much too. Our families fit really well together, and I can hardly remember a time when Porters family wasn't there. So it was so fun for me to be able to have all the people I love most in this world there all together. 

I wanted to have formals up for the reception, so we took those before the actual wedding day. One of my favorite parts was when Porter saw my dress for the first time. He told me he was really nervous about it, so it made me that much more excited! He so rarely gets nervous about anything that I really have to enjoy those few  moments.

Isn't he so handsome? I'm pretty in love :) 

And just because I can, here is my all time favorite picture of us! I love it because it just makes me feel like a runaway princess or something. haha super cheesy I know, but for a girl who's always wanted nothing more than to live a life full of beautiful dresses and castles, it's the perfect picture.

For our honeymoon we went to San Juan, Puerto Rico! It was amazing, and I would love nothing more than to escape the cold and go back. There were some bumps along the way; like everything was incredibly expensive—think $20 breakfasts being the cheapest meal. We got two regular sized cookies and a small pint of Häagen-Dazs ice cream for $35! Also, there was no free parking. Parking was $30 a day which Porter wasn’t told! So that was a fun surprise! We made a point to lie out on the beach for a bit each day. Taylor, with her tan skin that doesn’t ever really burn at all LOVES lying on the beach. It’s seriously one of my favorite things. But Porter on the other hand, with his very pale skin and affinity for headaches, isn’t particularly fond of lying on the beach for hours on end. So our first day I insisted we lay out for a while, and Porter got so burned… It was so sad… After that we could only lay out for like 20 minutes at a time, which was pretty depressing for me but it was still okay because we had so much fun. 

That was the view from our room which overlooked the ocean if you looked left a little bit 

These guys were everywhere and just kind of hung out with everyone by the pool

We went to the old San Juan fort, which was so cool. Like I said before, I love historical stuff. So standing on that fort was amazing to me. I love places like that because no matter where you go, you can just feel in your bones how old it is and the people that once walked in the same place you are. It always gives me chills! The fort was fascinating. Unfortunately we got there and it was going to close in like 20 minutes-half an hour. So we had to speed through the tour, but it was still so cool! I could geek out for hours! It was also insanely windy the entire time we were there. So I'd put my hair up, and then it was so windy that it would come out, and it was a battle I never really won. 

We also had the opportunity to go see the bioluminescent bays in kayaks, which was AMAZING! I was really nervous because I’d never been kayaking before and I’m not exactly good at that type of thing… But Porter is wonderful and gets me out of my comfort zone from time to time which I’m very grateful for! So we started out in this little marina in our kayaks, and we had to kayak over the OPEN OCEAN! Which yes, I was panicking the entire time. It’s fine! haha they took us to this little river that flowed into the bioluminescent bay. And the beginning of the river was completely covered by mangrove trees. Like it was literally pitch black, which was kind of unnerving. But eventually we made it through to the bay, and you guys. It was amazing. Unfortunately the moon was really bright, but they had a tarp that they put over about 4 kayaks at a time. It made it dark enough that you can really see the little creatures! It was amazing, like we splashed the water up onto our skin and clothes and everything, and like our skin literally sparkled for a good 15 seconds! It was amazing!

Basically it was so fun to travel the two of us. Those were pretty much the high lights, and I can’t wait for the next adventures I get to have with this boy!

After I quit Olive Garden I worked at Conservice for thrree months, but it just wasn't really my thing. So somehow I managed to land a job as an administrative assistant over at Bridgerland Applied Technology College, which is where I’m at now. I work in Student Services, and I am also in charge of a bookstore, and I just give general support to the various staff members and help them out with stuff. I also get weekends and holidays off (not just regular holidays too, I get all the school holidays off as well!); it’s perfect! I know a lot of people cringe at the idea of being a receptionist, but it’s basically been the job that I’ve wanted for a long time now (at least the realistic job). It’s been absolutely wonderful and has been the answer to so many prayers!

In November, I lost a very dear friend of mine to cancer. It was so sad, and it just kind of brought up my dad’s death all over again. My heart hurts so much for the Morgan family, Marie was such an inspiring and wonderful person who touched so many people. You can read more about how much she meant to me on my previous blog post; but I’m not going into detail about that here since I’ve already written about it.

Then on December 21^st we got our seventh grandbaby!

Isn’t she just beautiful? Her name is Mariella Grace Stroud, and I’m so sad because I’ve only gotten to see her once. I love all my nieces and nephews so much. I love them with that infinite, unconditional love that makes me wonder how much more I’m going to love my own children. Even though they can push me a little bit sometimes and I don’t know how to handle them all the time, I still just see them and see the goodness that they possess, and my heart just wants to burst with how much I love them. This makes the fact that they all live so far away now that much harder.

I think my favorite part of this new job, is the fact that I get two weeks off for Christmas! It was so nice being able to have that time to just rejuvenate myself. Something I’ve realized about myself is that I burn out so easily. (I think everyone does), but for some reason I just have a hard time working every single day. If I don’t have enough time to myself (meaning an actual day that’s completely mine instead of being devoted to housework or work or what have you) then I’m more inclined to slink back in to the depression that always seems to be waiting. So having these periodic breaks that this work is going to offer I think will do wonders for that.

Our first Christmas was absolutely wonderful! Porter had been asking for a gun for Christmas, and kept saying that was the only thing he wanted. (He thought that if that’s all he asked for that we would be guaranteed to get it.) So me being who I am obviously I got him one. But I tried to be sneaky about it. I kept telling him that I couldn’t get him one, and it wasn’t going to happen, but he wasn’t having any of it! So I ended up getting him some Nerf Guns, and when he unwrapped those, I straight up told him he wasn’t getting a real gun for Christmas, and the Nerf Gun was it (The real gun was hidden in the laundry room)! He was so bummed, and I could tell he was trying to be happy for my sake—I felt like such a terrible person for playing him! The very last present that he got was a tiny little box with a note inside that said he had one more present and to go look in the laundry room. And it was so worth it to see his face when he opened that box! All he could say was “wow” over and over again, and he was so happy! He had also been saying how much he missed Christmas as a kid because he always got Legos and would put them together in a day. So obviously, I got him some Legos too! I got him the new Star Wars X-Wing lego set, and yes he did spend the rest of the day putting it together!

Porter got me a KitchenAid –  and can I just say you don’t realize how wonderful those  are until you don’t have one anymore! He also got me a sewing machine!! Which I was also incredibly happy about! I used to sew a lot, usually just clothes for my doll and blankets and stuff for them, but I have sewn some of my own clothes before too, usually with the help of either Marie or my grandpas ex-wife. I’ve been itching to be able to repair my own clothes and maybe sew a quilt or two, so this sewing machine has been absolutely wonderful!

So basically our first Christmas together was an absolute success on both of our ends. It made me just love this boy that much more!  

Porter also got me a new series of books to read for Christmas, and that is how I ended my wonderful year! I ended up reading all four books in about five days, which I haven’t done since I was probably in high school. It was so nice to be able to do that and it really gave me that extra boost to finish out my year so happy!

This year I’ve also grown a lot emotionally and spiritually, which I also attribute to how happy I’ve been. Even though some old demons snuck back into my life this year, I’ve been able to suppress them for the most part. I’ve recently gained a much deeper understanding of the gospel, and it has made me yearn for more knowledge. I do apologize that I may go overboard sometime with my Facebook posts whether they be political or religious. The political posts are mostly because I miss my political science class! But the religious ones I’m less inclined to apologize for. The gospel has made me so incredibly happy the past year, and I’ve found myself through Christ. I love it so much, and it makes me so happy that I do want to share that happiness with others. Those posts are in no way meant to “convert” anyone. I know that that is not going to happen, it’s more to share what I’ve learned with others who share my same beliefs. The more I learn about the gospel, the more I feel it burn in my heart and I know completely that it is the truth. I’m thankful to those of you who have encouraged me in my pursuit of this Church, and even more so to those who don’t agree with the Church and still support me.  I’m sorry for anyone that I may have offended and/or annoyed this year, but I’m not sorry enough to stop!

Other than those big and major things, our marriage has been relatively uneventful, but still absolutely wonderful! Both of us thought that since we had dated for several years before marriage would be a relatively easy adjustment. And it was for the most part! There have been a few bumps (mostly because I can get pretty grumpy randomly and going from getting paid weekly to monthly has been a big adjustment) but they’ve been so small compared to the overall joy that they’re barely noticeable. This year was full of learning, adjusting, sad and frustrating times, but even more answered prayers. Both me and Porter have grown so much in the last six months, I look back to where I was a year ago, and I hardly recognize who I am now. I feel the same way about Porter too. 

Now to those little nuggets of wisdom I mentioned earlier: Why is it so hard to be happy for people? It’s something that I’ve really noticed this year. We all say that we need to love and accept everyone for who they are and what they believe—literally everyone says that. But that always seems to stop the minute someone disagrees with you.

It is possible to love someone and disagree with their choices. It is possible to love someone, and dislike their religion. It's possible to get along and agree with a different political party than yours, and it's possible to disagree with other political parties and still try to understand where they are coming from (without saying they're stupid and ignorant). What I don't like is the vast amount of hate I've noticed. If you disagree with a religion, there is no need to make others feel terrible about being a part of that religion. Hateful language towards any organization whether political or religious conveys hate towards those individuals as well even if it's not meant that way. Which really hurts guys! If you've left a religion, there is no need for those still in that religion to make you feel badly about leaving. I believe it all comes back to love, and the more we can love each other and support each other in our decisions the happier we will all be. Can you imagine a Facebook where hateful words and hurtful memes weren't tolerated? It's possible to stand up for your beliefs considerately, and without hate. As my favorite, Elder Holland, said: "Defend your beliefs with courtesy and compassion, but defend them." That goes to everyone, not just members of this church. It seems to me that we're forgetting how to defend our beliefs with courtesy and compassion, which is sad to me.  

So I challenge all of you to just be happy for each other! Make a conscious decision and effort to be happy for each other, regardless of what others choose. Choose not to participate when you see a hateful debate going on, or step in to point out there's a nicer way to say those things. Choose not to use hateful language in your own posts regardless of how you personally feel about the matter. We are all humans, and in the end I really do believe that love is the most important thing, and the only thing that really matters. We are all just trying to find our way and be happy, wherever that path may lead. Personally, I want to be able to happily participate and post about the Church that I love without feeling judged or ridiculed. I want to be able to do this without losing friends. So how about we start supporting each other on all the different paths we will all take at some point in our lives? 

I love you all. If you actually made it to the end of this post, then kudos to you! You’re probably one of those people who made my year wonderful. It's been a year full of changes and experiences that I've absolutely loved (for the most part)! Now that I’m married, I’m hoping to post more about every day stuff instead of the once a year posts that I have been doing. And stay tuned- I do have some posts I'll hopefully finish sometime soon, but we’ll see if that actually happens! You're all wonderful and beautiful people, and I hope that you never forget that.