Words don't express the sadness and grief (but also incredible joy) I'm experiencing right now. This woman was the epitome of everything I want to be. And the thing is, I know I'm not alone. There are so many people grieving this wonderful woman today; it's amazing. Morgan family, if this is what her friends are all feeling, I can't imagine how you guys must be feeling. I love you.
My entire life has had Marie in it. She lived three blocks away from me, I was best friends with her daughter Tina. My mom and Marie were best friends too. I have very, very few childhood memories that don't contain Marie. She wrote me a letter on my blessing day when I was a baby, telling me what my dad said. My mom tells me when me and Tina were babies they would take us on walks over to Providence all the time. Me and my mom would go over to their house all the time; Tina would sit under the table and listen to the grown-ups and I would go into Tina's room and play with her Barbies! We had yearly trips to the Zoo, and to the This is the Place Monument in Salt Lake. One time me and Tina got stuck in an elevator at the This is the Place Monument, so that was pretty exciting. Marie taught me how to sew, and I had weekly sewing days at their house where she taught me how to make various things on her sewing machine. My mom sat and watched, because she wasn't allowed to touch Marie's sewing machine (she tends to break those things when she touches them.) Then, after my dad died, she was the one to help me sew the quilt I made out of my dad's Harley T-Shirts.
When me and Tina got older (around 12-14 yrs old I think), we started to participate in the ward choir which my mom and Marie had been a part of for years. Tina and I were sopranos, Marie and my mom were altos; there was always so much laughter; they usually sat right behind me and Tina and just pestered us the whole time to the dismay of Rick who was the choir director. We all went on weekly Sunday walks together, and we had yearly trips to Second Dam where we'd eat Pizza and go on a walk after. One year Marie, my mom, me, and Tina all went to San Francisco together. I will never forget when we got lost trying to go to the Golden Gate Bridge. Me and Tina had to pee SO BAD, and we were getting sick because it was so bad! Then our dear parents told us to just pee on a blanket! We were so mad! Until we had peed, after which we were able to see the humor :) I'll also never forget how Marie had a bad knee at the time, and after every time we knelt down to pray she would clunk around the room for 10 minutes because her knee gave her a limp - a very heavy limp! We all thought it was the funniest thing, and it was even funnier when Marie would get mad at us for making fun of her; but then of course she eventually made fun of herself with us :)
We have a mutual fear of snakes, and we cried and squealed together with every encounter. She was also my Young Women's leader for a time, and she was absolutely wonderful. Then, recently when I took her to one of her radiation treatments, there was a gentleman there waiting for his own friend. He was obviously a hipster, had the clothes and had the dreadlocks and everything. He struck up a conversation with Marie about medical marijuana! It was quite the conversation I've gotta say. We laughed about it afterward, and Marie just said that she was so thankful there were so many genuine and caring people in the world. Just like Marie would. I never left Marie without feeling happy and thankful to be alive.
When me and Tina got older (around 12-14 yrs old I think), we started to participate in the ward choir which my mom and Marie had been a part of for years. Tina and I were sopranos, Marie and my mom were altos; there was always so much laughter; they usually sat right behind me and Tina and just pestered us the whole time to the dismay of Rick who was the choir director. We all went on weekly Sunday walks together, and we had yearly trips to Second Dam where we'd eat Pizza and go on a walk after. One year Marie, my mom, me, and Tina all went to San Francisco together. I will never forget when we got lost trying to go to the Golden Gate Bridge. Me and Tina had to pee SO BAD, and we were getting sick because it was so bad! Then our dear parents told us to just pee on a blanket! We were so mad! Until we had peed, after which we were able to see the humor :) I'll also never forget how Marie had a bad knee at the time, and after every time we knelt down to pray she would clunk around the room for 10 minutes because her knee gave her a limp - a very heavy limp! We all thought it was the funniest thing, and it was even funnier when Marie would get mad at us for making fun of her; but then of course she eventually made fun of herself with us :)
We have a mutual fear of snakes, and we cried and squealed together with every encounter. She was also my Young Women's leader for a time, and she was absolutely wonderful. Then, recently when I took her to one of her radiation treatments, there was a gentleman there waiting for his own friend. He was obviously a hipster, had the clothes and had the dreadlocks and everything. He struck up a conversation with Marie about medical marijuana! It was quite the conversation I've gotta say. We laughed about it afterward, and Marie just said that she was so thankful there were so many genuine and caring people in the world. Just like Marie would. I never left Marie without feeling happy and thankful to be alive.
There are so many more memories than just this, but these are my favorite.
After my dad died, I was so lost. I was mad at God, I was angry with everyone, because I guess that's what you do when your dad dies at 17. The night he died, we had people asking to come over; my mom asked me if it was okay, and I said no to everyone. But then the Morgans called and asked, and I immediately said yes. They were the only people who I wanted to see that night. And they cried with us. These people who probably had issues with my dad because he could be kind of thick in the head, they still came over and cried with us. I was always so touched by that. Then, Marie continued to cry with me for the next 6 months until I had moved out. I've always thought that somehow our tear-ducts had been wired together. The minute either one of us started crying, the other would start; regardless of what we were crying about. For those of you who may not know (please don't kill me for this mama Lori!), but my mom and dad had kind of a rough marriage; especially towards the end of my dads life. The Morgan's influenced my ideal of marriage. Rick and Marie always had such love for each other; you could see it in the way they interacted and just in their eyes when they looked at each other. It became especially poignant these last few months. I grew up in a home where that wasn't present; seeing them love each other so dearly and so freely made me realize that is the kind of marriage that I want-- I want to love each other so purely that it comes across in our very eyes for everyone around us to see; I can't thank Rick and Marie enough for showing me that that kind of marriage is possible (and especially that incessant teasing and sarcasm was present in their marriage, it gives me hope for me and Porter!).
Towards the end, when Marie had to start slowing down and take it a little bit easier, it was time for me to get married. We were so worried about her. I was terrified that she would leave during one of the weeks that I was gone. I didn't get to say goodbye to my dad, and I've been terrified the same thing would happen with Marie. (Luckily it didn't). Even though she was exhausted, and even though she was in pain, this wonderful woman still threw me a bridal shower. We didn't expect her to, we would have been fine if she didn't, but she insisted! Then, she was able to come to my sealing and luncheon. I remember, when me and Porter came out of the sealing room, I looked down the hall, and there was Marie in a wheelchair. It struck me then, how exhausted she must be. Yet she still made it to the luncheon afterward. Then at the luncheon, when it was over and I went over to say goodbye to her, the woman almost fell over because of those damn brain tumors! (Her words, not mine!) But she still made it there, and stayed, because that's who Marie is. She doesn't care or think about her own pain, only being there for others.
She helped me come back to the Church too; after I left 5 years ago and I began to search for answers, I kept going back to my mom and Marie. They had so many experiences and they had always been so strong. I wanted something like that so badly. Marie never judged, nor made me feel badly about taking a break from the Church. She was just there, a constant presence in my life, and a constant reminder of what it means to be a disciple of Jesus. And when I started to come back, she was still there. Giving me her testimony in the smallest and most unnoticeable ways. It was in her very eyes, that she loved this Church and knew it was true. My mom had it too, and it was ultimately what brought me back I think. I've always had a problem separating improvement from perfection in my life. Because of that I've always been incredibly hard on myself when it comes to "striving for perfection." Every time I mess up, I just beat myself up. I've slowly had to change my mind set to "it's okay to mess up, as many times as you need to. Just make sure you're always improving in some aspect of your life." A few months back, I had gone over to see her and see how she was doing and to bring her a Jamba. We got talking and started talking about the Church. She told me about how she had made some serious mistakes when she was younger. Then she bore her sweet and simple testimony that she knows God's grace will carry her through her mistakes. I was shocked! Marie?! Make a serious mistake?! I had honestly thought the worst thing she had ever done was swear a few times and flunk out of college! (Which, by the way, I've always loved her story about flunking out of college. It's just so Marie!) I'd always kind of thought (I know this isn't what we're taught or anything, it's just the whole separation of improvement from perfection again.) But I had always thought that no matter how much I repented, there were certain things in my past that just weren't going to go away. They were always going to be a part of my life and affecting my life (but I thought in a negative way.) It was this moment, where Marie told me of her own mistakes, that it hit me-- I don't have to let this affect me forever. If Marie had had some rocky moments, and turned into this woman who exemplified Christ-like love and service, and of whom no one has an ill word to say, then I could do that too. It was honestly the biggest changing point in my life in my spiritual journey. And Marie gets the credit for changing the way I viewed myself, the Church, the plan of Happiness, the Atonement, and so many other things. After Porter and I got married, we struggled to get to church. It was at 9 am, we both worked swing shift so we never went to bed before 1 in the morning. And there was Marie, incessantly lecturing me about "getting our butts to church." She threatened to call our Bishop and Relief Society and tell them to assign us a calling even! I was so surprised, because she was always so understanding and tolerating when I wasn't going to church before. I think I'm probably one of the few that she lectured about going to church; but I know she is the only person who I would have listened to.
This past week, as we began waiting for her mortal journey to end, I was incredibly blessed to be able to go to the Morgans every day with my mom. I was able to witness the love and tenderness that so many people hold for this woman. I got to listen to stories about her that I had never heard before. I got to listen to the choir sing to her one of her favorite hymns, as they surrounded her bedside. She's been a constant fixture in the choir for as long as I've been alive, and that was one of the most special and sacred moments I've had; there wasn't a dry eye in the room. By the way, I'm so grateful for the choir, thank you guys for doing that. Finally, before she lost all sense, I was also able to say goodbye, which I was infinitely grateful to the Morgans for. Marie has had a hard time talking this week, and when the time came to say goodbye it was no different. When I went in, I had all these things I wanted to tell her, but I was crying too much! So I just held her hand, and told her that I loved her. She didn't say anything, she just looked at me. But in her eyes were clear and in them I found the purest love and tenderness. I knew she was telling me she loved me too.
The world will be a different place without her. I will remember her when I drink hot chocolate, when I see snakes, and when I see beautiful quilts. I will remember her when I see snow on the mountains, and when I hear the choir songs we used to sing together. I will think of her when I read Junie B. Jones books and when I see Fancy Nancy books. I will think of her every time I drive into Millville, and every time I go to the cemetery to see my dad I will go to see her too.
I've been amazed and the number of people she has touched, and how each of us share one thing in common after knowing her- all of us just want to be better. More selfless, more loving, more non-judgmental, more serving, more positive, happier, and kinder. Our lives won't have as much laughter or love for a little while. However we can rejoice that we are all grieving together, and we can rejoice that she made it home. And while she rejoins those she loves in paradise, we'll continue to remember her and her legacy here. And we will all look forward to the day when we can hug her again, without causing her pain; and when we can laugh with her again without seeing the pain behind her eyes; and when we can see each other and cry tears of happiness instead of the tears of sadness that mortal life brings. Marie Morgan, I love you. You've changed my life, and so many others for good. I can't wait to see you again, and I look forward to that day with joy and longing. Make sure to give my dad a hug for me! We will miss you so much, but we are all so happy for you too. Till we meet again.
I've been amazed and the number of people she has touched, and how each of us share one thing in common after knowing her- all of us just want to be better. More selfless, more loving, more non-judgmental, more serving, more positive, happier, and kinder. Our lives won't have as much laughter or love for a little while. However we can rejoice that we are all grieving together, and we can rejoice that she made it home. And while she rejoins those she loves in paradise, we'll continue to remember her and her legacy here. And we will all look forward to the day when we can hug her again, without causing her pain; and when we can laugh with her again without seeing the pain behind her eyes; and when we can see each other and cry tears of happiness instead of the tears of sadness that mortal life brings. Marie Morgan, I love you. You've changed my life, and so many others for good. I can't wait to see you again, and I look forward to that day with joy and longing. Make sure to give my dad a hug for me! We will miss you so much, but we are all so happy for you too. Till we meet again.
